This post may sound annoyingly immature and foolish. But I can’t help feeling this way. I’m really putting A LOT A LOT of effort into this relationship, to a point that I think I’m becoming overly sensitive over certain stuff.
He lost his phone today and was practically uncontactable. He only realised that he lost his phone at 4pm, 4 hours after he dropped it in a cab. -.-” I’ve no idea why he refused to pass me the important details so I can make the phone call for him. I had to force the details out of him & I kinda hate to do that because he gets irritated super easily when he is stressed up. I managed to get through Citycab’s customer service and found his phone. After discussion with Jo, I arranged to have it sent back to my place. -.-” It is quite expensive to just get the phone delivered at 19.30 SGD (booking fee $2.30 + metered fare).
I realized a couple of things that made me rather sad inside that others may find stupid.
- My saved name in his phone – The moment I saw the missed calls, one of them was me as Chia. Nothing else, just that. no heart shape emoticon, nothing.. His name is saved as “여보” in my phone, which means sweetheart in Korea and it is like that ever since we got together. It didn’t bother me initially because he kept insisting it was Kakaotalk app. But I tried to change it myself, it is changeable. -.- I asked him why am I just Chia? Should I just saved his name as Jo then? He didn’t like it, so why am I just chia?!
- Our phone background pictures – Since dont-know-when, my phone background has always been about us, even the locked screen. I don’t know if he is just putting up a show when he is with me but now, his phone is just a normal plain background. Is it he feel shy because people will see during work? or…. I dont know.
This may not matter to many people but to me, it means a lot. I really dont want to feel like it’s just a one-sided thing, especially when my feelings for him is obviously greater than his feeling for me. I clearly know how immature I sound, but it somewhat hurts. I even feel stupid to confront him over these but…….. tsk.
/sigh. why am I trying so hard?
He came by after work & I didn’t want to make a scene, knowing that he must be exhausted. But I can’t help but feel low. I didn’t want to portray myself as an obsessive girfriend (even if I am) by telling him about the above.
He kept asking what’s wrong, why am I being weird.. so I told him that I felt sad about the pictures. His reply was “I didn’t like it when you text guys after I fell asleep” -.- indicating that he changed my name & the background because of his petty jealousy. We had a talk about this before. I’ll never cheat on him but he need to trust me and understand that I have many ‘bros’ around me. I do not text in front of him because he said he hated it. But he also didn’t like it when I reply my friends behind his back. -.-
I really put it soooo much effort, but yet he is still having doubts at this point of our relationship. It hurts that we don’t feel the same way about each other. & I’m really getting tired of trying. He fell asleep even before we could talk, & that does not make things better. Who exactly am I to him? Why is it that when I am trying so hard, it doesnt seem to go the right way?
you’ve no idea how much it hurts.