29 Apr 2017 Saturday
He left without a proper discussion & I was still too upset to talk. I felt like a person with no soul. Since it’s a weekend, we’re supposed to head out. Instead of planning or suggesting anywhere, I just told him that he can move me any ways he want. If he wants me to stay home, i will. If he wants to go out, decide a place and I’ll start preparing. He suggested to go ECP to clear our minds.
When he meet me, I couldn’t smile or do anything. My eyes were swollen from all the crying again. We tried to talk things out. Is it possible to love someone without any soul? I told him that I will never break up with him but I gave up trying. He said I don’t have to try so hard to perfect the relationship because he is already contented for having me. But what if I am the one that needs to be contented? Am I the one giving myself too much stress and gave myself an unrealistic expression of wanting a ‘perfect’ relationship?
The puffiness of my eyes -.-
Anyhow~~, we reconciled. We decided to try not to fight anymore but honestly, i think part of me is dead already.
Trying to put everything aside, the only way is to just move on. Our ECP plan got cancelled because I had to standby for incoming dogs while Sumon went out for her class. We went to our usual BKT store for dinner at Katong area and he talked about his job and our Korea plan. I’ve still yet to settle my korea tickets.. Hesitating if I should get surgery on my ears and cheekbones now.
The only person I talked to was my brother who obviously was against the idea. I am not addicted, just that the insecure me thinks that I have too much flaws that still needs to be corrected. As what Jo used to say, I need some work on my brain instead. ha!
that’s all, folks!