Lesson #1 – Who should pay?

I’ve actually read a lot of love articles after experiencing a breakup early this year. They helps a lot because you start to analyze what went wrong in your past relationships. Since sometimes I have nothing to write, I shall start a new column – how to be a better girlfriend.  I am not trying to be a dating guru but this column will definitely make this blog more interesting. haha.

I wasn’t a good girlfriend to my ex (to defend myself, I was good for the first few years before the relationship went all wrong). I was one of those nightmare ex, I constantly pushed him away and doesn’t crave for intimacy with him. Closing to our breakup, I did not even allow him to stop in front of my house and our meetings cut short to an hour. Basically, I wasn’t there for him and I kinda left him clinging on to a very thin rope. I continued to be cold towards him, rejecting all his advances even after we’ve broke up. & guess what? I evolved to a crazy ex girlfriend who only went bizarre when I found out he moved on with someone way younger. So if you think about it, I may just simply be unhappy that i ‘lost’ to a little girl and whatever I think I knew about him just became a lie which I wasn’t pleased about it. Or it may also be I was stupid enough to only realise that I still love him after I’ve completely lost him. Humans beings are foolish beings who only realise the value of something when you’ve completely lost it. & by the time they regret, it will be all too late.

I’m trying my best to be the best girlfriend one could ever have with my current boyfriend, just to make sure it doesn’t end up the same as before. This column shall serve as a good reminder 🙂 I may be doing a lot of comparing with my last relationship because that was my most recent and longest relationship. I can be a romantic girlfriend whenever I want to, like how I surprised my ex at the airport. I even cried when my ex had to leave the country. I remembered those days being torturous, simply because i missed him a lot. All these just take some effort and it just depends on whether you want to do it or not. There is no such things as “I’m too busy” or “I’ve got no time”. Time is definitely there as long as you’re willing to squeeze for it. 🙂

There is this guy Matthew Hussey that supposedly give really good dating advices to women. I came across his videos on facebook and his accent is just PERFECT! hahaha. British people got the nicest english accent in the world. Anyway, since I am somewhat attracted to him, I watch his videos a lot and there are all really good!

Q: When you’re on a date, who should pay? (this was actually the very first video that I watched)

Many people actually argued that it should be the guy because society set it that way. But IF you go out with someone and either of you did not offer to pay, it means you weren’t taught right. We should treat our partners like how we would treat our bestfriend and we should not apply a different standard. “I wouldn’t go out with my best friend and tell my bestfriend that he/she should pay for every meal each time we go out” In my last relationship, my ex paid for almost every meals and I only pay once in a blue moon. (kinda feel bad now) It just didn’t occur to me that I should TRY to pay and I had the mindset that it was his duty as a boyfriend. Come to think about it, it was his hard earned money and I had no rights to help him spend it.

During our first date, my boyfriend and I pushed the bills to each other, snatching the rights to pay the bill. He wasn’t working back then so I offered to pay and he could pay for the next. From then, it felt like I was paying for most of our dates and with my last relationship, I got to be honest that I wasn’t exactly happy about it.

Trying to pay is actually one of the basic courtesy that everyone should possess. “Maybe proportionately, what you can do is less than what he can do”. There was a scenario given whereby the guy says that he wants to stay in a top hotel tonight at $1500 a night. & you say you have got no money. It is his job to say it doesn’t matter, i just want to go and I just want to take you. That’s what that is. OR if you guys want to go to a trip and you only have a fifth of your partner’s earning, offer to contribute as much as you can. What means something to a guy – trying. When he feels like you’re not even trying, that’s when he feel used. Any guy that feels confident and self-respecting, if the woman do not try, he feels like he is being taken advantage of. It got nothing to do with money.

If you guys have different earning potentials, figure out how you guys can contribute proportionately.

Jo is my boyfriend and a relationship shouldn’t be just one person’s efforts. No one should feel as though they are being taken advantage of (& i strongly suspect that I did take advantage of my ex unknowingly by treating him like crap). I was the one that wanted to do all the expensive stuff. I shouldn’t complain given that he might have difficulty keeping up with my pace. He did do his part by contributing whenever he can. Like offer to bring me to a good place to eat once a month or offer to pay the bill when the place isn’t too expensive. He even wanted to sneak some bucks into my wallet when he saw that it was empty. If I ever feel that it is unfair, I could always discuss with him rather than bottling all my unhappiness all up.

I think somewhat or rather, I am also unknowingly bringing his ego down (he always say that he is not good enough for me). He actually thinks that I should soften down a little with the spendings (just 5 minutes after he said this, I actually asked him if I should arrange spa once a month for us. -.-).

till next time

xoxo

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