Whenever you’re feeling down, more shit will definitely happen. I just got bitten by a dog after fighting with Jo. T.T
I was so happy that we did not fight last week and sadly, some things are too good to be true. It seems like it is already a norm that we got to fight every week.
Counting down to our Korea trip, I am seriously getting excited. Went to his house and saw him drawing up a timetable for his trip and I found it so adorable of him to do so. We were happily discussing about our dates and that’s when things go all wrong. My plan was to go 22 – 28 May but 22nd doesn’t has me at all. I asked “So when I arrive, who’s going to pick me up?” He looked at me dumbfounded and somewhat expect me to solo. -.-” I got upset, really upset. It is a foreign country and I will be all alone. So he expects me to arrive in a country that speak a language that I can hardly understand and figure my way out? I’ve been to Korea a lot of times but I’ve never arrived alone once. So I dont understand how he can think that it is alright for me to simply just… figure my way out. It doesn’t matter if he needs to spend time with his family, the least he could is arrange my arrival, isnt it? Am I wrong to get upset?
He said I am not understanding and it seems like whatever I said about wanting him to spend more time with his family and friends are all bullshit. -.- You had no idea how painful it is to hear that. I know that I’ve already been keeping him away from his family so it means more than anything for me to have him spend more time with them. I always have doubts about going to this trip because I don’t wish to be a burden and I want him to make full use of his time with them. The least he could do was discuss with me nicely that it is not possible for him to pick me up if I arrive on 22nd. My tickets are not even bought yet.. -.-” He simply just say “oh, my plans with my family is confirmed on 22nd” and expect me to know it is impossible for him to squeeze to pick me up.
The most shitty thing is I am seriously looking forward for this trip but how many times have we quarrelled over this? Time and again, he prove that I’m right. Me being there isn’t a pleasure but a hassle. Everything I decide, i always put him at the priority. Like what caused us to quarrel, I wanted to book the same flight dates… just to accompany him on the plane & i’ll hiberate in hotel until he is free for me. I am willing to do that, just to be with him. But we will never be on the same page. Giving it up seems to be the most rational thing and you had no idea how shitty I am feeling right now. This trip means more than anything to me too.
Each time we fight, my heart hurts.. literally.. emotional and physically. All I want is just a simple relationship that doesn’t quarrel this much. But why is it so difficult? The frustrating thing is that I’ve no idea what’s wrong and what am i supposed to correct? Is it me or him or the both of us? I’ve already put in soooo much into this god damn relationship.
I am crying like shit now, clinching my fist to my heart again. We decided to give each other time apart and I am not sure how long is that going to last. Both of us are just too tired from all the fighting. He’s leaving in 6 days.
I’m going to cry myself to sleep AGAIN and wake up with puffy eyes AGAIN. -.-” I really don’t remember love being this painful.
I just want to love you with no worries. But are we just not meant to be?