After losing someone, we often go back to the person in the back of our mind. Usually this is during the time when we’re not busy or lonely. We just feel the sense of loss and naturally think back of that particular person. Another common time is when we are heading to bed. This is the time when we usually do a lot of thinking and processing and so, you’ll start thinking about that person.
It may also be a time when you’re feeling happy about something. You will probably wish that he is still sticking around to share the news with. It is actually a misconception to say that you miss a person the most when you’re sad. On the contrary, we miss a person the most when we have good news – like when you go on a holiday and see a beautiful scenery, you will think to yourself “oh, he will definitely love to see this”. Or when you excitedly caught a toy from the toy catching machine, you wish to just share the joy.
Many people jump straight to distractions to hopefully move on. You may start to think about what activities can keep you busy. You will wonder how many friends can you invite and start gathering your male buddies for drinking sessions every single night, just so that you will not even have the time to think about that person. But the moment when you have the slightest time, you will snap back to thinking about him again. So distractions are actually one of the worst remedies for that heartache. The best remedy, even for me, is to make progress – either for a particular project, life goals or even changing yourself for the better. Think about what you can work on to give you a sense of accomplishment and at the end of the day, you will be feeling confident and you’ll find yourself engaging in life more (feeling more alive than ever). You should NEVER try to escape from a heartbreak.
When I was experiencing a recent heartbreak, I was in a huge mess. I cared too much, I drank too much and made many stupid mistakes. Everday felt like slow death. Jo was initially my distraction that turned to an accomplishment. I have a goal and it is just to be a better girlfriend to Jo. I was really lucky that someone new came along at the very right time. He made me have the courage to step out of my shell and do things that I would never do. I’ve never felt more confident. Let me share some obvious tips about overcoming a heartbreak.
Do not ‘stalk’ your ex and his/her new partner
You will find yourself browsing through their social medias, waiting for those couple pictures that feel like multiple stabs in your heart and being nosey about their dates. You will even pick a fight with him over their dates (like that one time when he brought her to a staycation).
This needs HELL LOTS of determination and it’s not easy. You need to resist this temptation and tell yourself this “You’re only hurting yourself even more”. It is gradual pain that you will get over it somehow.
Do not EVER compare yourself with the new partner
Human beings are of many different personalities and not a single person is perfect. I compared myself to his new girlfriend too much that I lost myself completely. What is the point of comparing? It doesn’t improve the situation any better and just make yourself feel even worst.
If you’ve also found the next suitable person, do not compare your relationship with theirs. It doesn’t mean that they are happier in their relationship than you are in yours. Every love is meaningful and beautiful in their own ways.
NEVER stay as friends with your ex
The common break up line is “I think we are better off as friends” or “no matter what, we can still be friends. If you need a listening ear, I can still be there for you”. Well, it’s all crap and please know that you can NEVER be friends with your ex. (shall talk more about this topic in Lesson #3) It’s not going to help the both of you so sever all ties. If you have already found someone new, it is just basic respect to your new partner that you guys do not stay as friends.
Maybe many years down the road when you guys bump into each other on the streets, and you absolutely feels NOTHING, you can consider about recreating a new friendship. But till then, stay as far away from him (and his current girl)
Inform your friends NOT to ever speak his/her name
Do not try to act tough and say you’re okay when you are not. There is no need to be afraid of showing your vulnerability to your friends. Your friends need to know that in order for you to overcome the heartache, you want nothing to do with him. Which means, you do not want to see him, hear about him or know about any news related to him. I didn’t do this and it was a torture. Their first couple photo was screenshot to me when I was already trying really hard not to be updated of him. Their first concert was being informed by a friend who joked “Why aren’t you at Coldplay’s concert?”
Some love articles about past romances actually help
Search for such articles and do not ever think that they are bullshit. Find the main points that you find the most applicable and process it with your heartache. Many things will come to senses. 🙂
till next time,