Money

You do not need to worry about money until you’re at the age of… mid 20s. & I truly miss my youth now. At 27, everything is about money. Even a simple conversation during dinner with the family can be “how much exactly do you have in your bank?” or “how much exactly are you earning?”

I never liked the idea of letting my family members know exactly how much I have because they’ll start to meddle and ask where did all my money go to. I’m a shopaholic and my personal spendings can be insane. I no longer depend on anyone, including my boyfriend. In order to keep up with my own living standards, I’m paying for most of our dates (which can be about $200 – $500/week). My surgery last Nov actually cost me ~25k SGD (including accomodation and expenses there). It is not easy to save up..  and when I do finally reach a good 5 digit, somehow or rather.. my family will sweep up my savings. The last time I had 30k, my dad took it all from me. He returns bit by bit but everyone knows that when someone take a large sum from you and returns it bit by bit, you’ll somehow spend even faster.

Brother wants to purchase a car in Aussie because he got deployed to a countryside hospital. Getting a car will be a lot more convenient but what I don’t get it is he can actually always stick to hitching a ride from his fellow colleagues. Yes, it may be embarrassing and a hassle but at least he get to the destination. I strongly do not support the idea of him getting a car because he just started work and our family still need to find a way to return 100,000K with interest to the government for him for breaking the bond (my sm & i being the guarantors). He knows the situation very well and it shouldn’t be about living a lavish life. But my views are seen as an ignorance and I have no say. My dad is pushing me to ‘borrow’ the money to my brother and when I intially rejected, I’m being called selfish and that he didn’t raise me up this way. The third time my dad talked to me about this, I even told my dad that my brother is not my responsibility and I shouldn’t even be bothered about this. “Your brother will be very rich in the future (since he’s a doctor) and you will definitely need his help at some point. You should help each other” -.- What my dad didn’t know is I am of a VERY good sister, have always been.. in the past, I gave my brother extra allowance. Borrowing money must also be logical. The fifth time my dad talked to me about it again, he apparently agreed on MY BEHALF to my brother that I agreed to borrow money to him. It isn’t the full amount but partial amount of 15K SGD. I didn’t say anything because….. I couldn’t… I weren’t given the rights to do so.

I always confide to my brother that I hate it when I am being treated as an ATM because I am always the ‘easier way out’. But in the morning, I received his call about money. He asked to help him as much as I can, and he will get a loan for the remaining. :/ At this point, I’ve given up. Put it nicely, it is to borrow but we all know I’ll not see that amount for a long time.

No one knows about my true feelings and I don’t think I can ever confide to Jo about this and I doubt I’ll ever try.

Just feeling so stressed right now.

Just want to run away & never return.

xoxo

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