Questioning

After having a supposedly goodnight sleep (yes, that 1 bottle really did work), I woke up crying again. We didnt really resolve anything since we were both apart from each other and communication via text only made things worst.

This morning was sparked by his request of sending one of my videos that I took. That video was taken just at the start of his moodiness yesterday. So we started arguing about what happened again. I am questioning if this trip was the right thing.. and he questioned about our happy memories being meaningless to me.

If I did not tag along, perhaps I will have 2 weeks of peace and we probably won’t fight for some time. Yes, I did had hell lot of a time here.. we got to know each other a lot better. But at the same time, I’ve also never cried this much on a holiday. -.- I cried over being left alone, I cried over being misunderstood, cried over my own relationship and cried over my own doubts. My eyes are always swollen and sore, to a point that I crazily thinks that my eyes look beautiful when it is deswelling.

Honestly, right now my life is even more entertaining (in a bad way) than any other k-dramas. I was very excited to date him because he’s really a very sweet guy but i didn’t expect the whole relationship to be such a whirlwind (when things get bad, it’s really bad). I am really happy with him when we’re happy (like i said, a fairytale) but when we fight, the pain feels like you just got stabbed a zillion times. I had this experience before and it didn’t get well. If a relationship is all about fighting, it isn’t leading anywhere. In this case, no matter how much happy memories the relationship makes, it just doesn’t matter at all because the happiness gets overshadow by pain. It is actually really scary to think that letting go may be the best solution for the both of us… but let’s not get to there yet.

I will go get some air, walking around and do some retail therapy. Hopefully I can feel better enough to talk other things. I have like some money left (~$180) and I super hate to go back SG with foreign money so I usually will spend to the very last bit.

Love ain’t easy when it ain’t my way
But it gets hard, when you ain’t here makin’ me crazy

Hear the thunder
See the rain
Keep on makin’ me cry
Keep makin’ me scream and holler
You don’t know what you’re doin’ to me

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