Choose Your Love

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Being in TWG for the very first time, both of us were like suakus! I didn’t know how to drink my tea and he didn’t know how to eat his bread. lol. I happily paid for the bill because L isnt good financially at this point. We met to get our Ultra wristbands! And I paid for everyone – K, L and Jo. I also booked hotel for us after K’s persuasion. It was supposed to be a split thingy but K asked me to get it from L… which i dont think L can pay me back for now. So in all, I spent ~$1450 for this weekend for all of us. :/

Regarding Ultra tickets, I stupidly got 1-day Day 2 Sunday Ticket for Jo because initially he told me that he can’t make it on Saturday. Who knows, his company workshop just got to be cancelled at the very last minute. -.- I’m frantically trying to change his ticket to Day 1 and that means I urgently need to sell off this ticket to get another one. Selling a last minute ticket isn’t an easy task and worst still, I got to sell it at a loss. -.- I somehow managed to sell his ticket at $140 and still need to top up another $50 for a 2-day ticket for him. Honestly, I doubt Jo is going to enjoy because he hate crowd and this kind of event isn’t really his thing. But I really want his presence there :/ I’m praying real hard his moodiness doesn’t kick in.

L asked me if Jo is doing very well because he seems like he is, but I confessed that in actual fact.. I am the one paying for everything in SG, that includes all our staycations and 90% of our dates. He said that there is a possibility that I am scaring Jo and hurting his pride. Am I? No one knows about this except for L and whoever have access to this blog. I am not sure if I’ve cultivated a bad habit in our relationship but so far i bought Jo quite a few things now.. That includes a Prada wallet, a Prada belt(which is meant for his birthday this year), a fossil watch and a Benjamin Barker formal blouse. & the Bali trip that I am currently planning for his birthday (which is going to set me back for another ~1,500 SGD at least). I’ve already told the trip to my family who assume that he is the one paying instead. Even our recent Korea trip, I paid for my own plane tickets.. my own lodging when I’m alone and of cos all my expenses there (which to my surprise, I came home with ~3,000 SGD less). He only paid for the 3 days when we were together (lodging and meal expenses) and my transportation there. Honestly if you ask where all my money goes to, I need to support my own spendings, my relationship and my princess at home. I am not sure whether am I being too nice or being too foolish. Jo is definitely not one that is a gold-digger or whatever nasty name you’re thinking about. But i think it comes down to me wanting too much of such lifestyle that he isnt able to provide for now, being spoilt in my own ways by my family. I’m not complaining about having to pay most of the things but it is indeed a huge difference from my last relationship. I am somehow the ‘guy’ in this relationship.

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STAGE

60 Prinsep St

Singapore 188664

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We went to STAGE @ Prinsep Street for some light drinking.. just 1 Full Pint of Hoegaarden Rosee. It is the best beer I ever tasted by far! I’ve no idea why but I always feel lonely and empty inside each time I drink.. (perhaps due to some bad memories when I used to drink my sorrow away). Jo knows about this weird habit of mine. I forgot to mention that I’ll be heading for some light drinking so he wasn’t too happy that I didn’t inform. He only found out through my instastory. So naturally, I wanted to look for him after that and when I texted him, “Can I look for you? Even for 5 minutes is fine” He replied “tomorrow would be better. I need to call my parents” -.- Everytime he will always say, “you’re always welcome to come!” but why sometimes, he make me feel so unwanted and unwelcomed? After some time then he said “if you want, you can come after 11pm” -.- What’s the point when you obviously want some alone time?

L asked me if given a choice, would I choose to be with the one who love me or be with the one that I love. My answer was to be with the one who love me. Even though it is selfish, but I wouldnt have to be in so much pain. I wouldn’t need to feel so tired having to chase after someone. I wouldnt need to put his happiness before my own and somewhat exhausting myself. & I believe eventually, there will be somewhat a balance because eventually, I will definitely love him back. /shrugs

Jo just texted me that he is having nosebleed that doesn’t stop. So I googled ways to stop and print screen for him. Again, he might be unhappy about my reply. So am I supposed to rush down? Honestly, I don’t feel like…… not after feeling unwelcomed. The only thing I could offer is to pick him up and send him to the doctors. 30 minutes after his text about his nosebleed.. he didn’t reply me. So I have to drive over to see if he’s alright. :/ I guess his health is more important than my pride.

Reaching his place, I saw him sleeping with his iPad in front of him… completely fine. Honestly, I’m not sure what to feel at this point. I waited for him for an hour to fall deeply asleep before sneaking my way out. :/

Having to drive to his place alone, already feeling upset at the first place, and having to drive home alone… I’m feeling shitty AF. I got emotional that I’m sitting in my car, listening to classics downstairs his place….. crying. Reason? I’ve got no freaking idea.

i’m feeling damn moody now. 

that’s all, folks!

xoxo

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