The reason why I can’t save

I earn a reasonable good amount each month but my bank is always low. & I always wondered why.

this is the reason why I say I am struggling to support myself, my relationship and my family.

So, this is the amount I spent for the whole of June. I think I really need to start keeping all these statements. I was so shocked when I opened it up and thankfully, I stopped my dad in time from opening the letter or I’ll be so dead.

To summarize, from the most expensive to the cheaper ones (SGD);

Party Week (Ultra + Hotel) – $1922.47

TLC (Dr Georgia Lee) – $1572.90

Dates with the Beau – $1242.89

Purchase of Camera – $749

Return Trip Ticket for His Surprise Party – $340.96

Doggie Care – $195.95

Father’s Day Dinner – $158

Essentials – $17.85

:/ Obviously, I’m not feeling good. Moreover, these doesn’t include whatever spendings I made online (especially on online shopping) or cash withdrawals. The amount can easily exceed 8k. And I just passed my dad 10k for the car deposit. So imagine how ‘negative’ my bank is.

No one believed me when I said my own expenses is freaking high. I showed Jo and his only response was “you need to save money. haha” -.- HOW THE HELL I SAVE WHEN I’M PAYING FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO WITH HIM. tsk. You know when he said he’ll give monthly allowance for dates? well, that didnt happen and i think he had already forgotten all about it.

conver

Is my relationship abnormal with him? Was confiding Junyong and he said I’m more like a sugar mummy. -.- I’m feeling really bad to feel this way but I’m confused. & I’m sure poor Jo will feel freaking hurt if he reads this. On his defense, he didn’t ask for me to shower him with expensive lifestyle or gifts. I hate to admit but JY made sense. :/ Jo is not rich.. but JY thinks that the least he can do is offer to pay (and really mean it and automatically slip some cash to me). People thinks that I’m the one being pampered “You’re so lucky to have him!” but in fact it’s the other way round? I’m helping him help me feel good.

Was it not right for him to pay for all of my lodging in Korea (he did pay for 2 nights out of 11)? Was it not right of him to throw me all alone in Seoul? Is it not right that I’m paying ~90%? Jo is really not those kind of guy that looks for money and he IS  a gentleman.. but he probably see the double standards differently? /shrugs. JY is right la, I’ll always have some reasons to defend Jo. But it’s understandable okay, Jo is someone who I love so much.

I’m not someone that keep track of my spendings but June’s statement is like a wake up call.. like why am I always stressed when my dad ask money from me that I can’t produce when I supposedly should be able to. Where the hell did all my money go to?

The fact that we’ve not really talk for 3 days because of his busy schedule (we do text and talk few minutes on the phone), made me feel even shittier and my mind goes wild. Each time when I ask to video call, he will fall asleep instead. When I offer to stayover for the past 2 nights, he kept saying the same thing “can i be alone?”. Whatever happened to “you’re always welcome?” When he said he’s not feeling well, I offered to rush down and he will miraculously recovered. /argh.

I love Jo, more than anything else now. :/ Anyway, I’ll tone down whatever spendings in our relationship… and hopefully, things changes. 🙂

till next time

xoxo

 

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