I woke up to hear the passing of a person who works for my dad and is also someone who I knew since I was very very young. He passed away at 6am in the morning due to heart attack.
I am not close to him and he was also someone whom I suspected that stole my laptop 2 years back. It is afterall a sad news to hear someone you know just passed away without prior warning and it really scares me how unpredictable life is. You can be really alive but for all you know, you might just disappear from this world tomorrow.. just like that. Dad helped him a lot and well, he built a decent-enough fish pond for us and saved their habitat a few times.
When I was doing a spa session in Bali, thoughts of my life kept bothering me. I cannot deny that a part of me has been missing for a long time. Even with Jo in my life (and my family), I feel empty and lonely. I’ve long lost the meaning and direction of life. I love my job but sometimes, it’s sucking too much life out of me. I used to look forward to my birthdays but I guess once you passed the age of 23, you just lost the interest of celebrating it afterwards (besides, it’s like celebrating and congratulating yourself for being one year older, which also means that your life is one year closer to the unknown end). I used to look forward to matured life but we have way too much that we need to worry about. There’s a logical reason behind my decision on tattooing the word “happiness” on my wrist because I no longer know the true meaning of it. It may sound stupid to anyone else but tattooing it its like.. filling up the empty gap.
You know, I’m really committing to my relationship but somehow, I feel that Jo doesn’t really want to introduce me to his family after all. He told me about his sister’s wedding when we were in Korea but his invitation may just be a speech. I asked about when will our next trip be and he said next year. So I got confused and asked “how about your sister’s wedding?” His reply “oh, you want to go?” So… im just a unwanted guest? My dad has always been reminding me that we girls will always be the one at a disadvantage and it is always a norm for guys to somehow take advantage of us. I refuse to believe Jo is like that. Am I just some burden? He always say no.. Why am I always worrying about our future? He never really give me any affirmation and honestly, meeting his family members will really settle the uncertainties inside me. I’ll only know in Nov which isn’t too far or too near.
Oh well, life goes on..
On a happier note, my online toots just came in today! Parcels are all queuing up, waiting for me to unpack them!
just 2 more days to being TWENTY SEVEN!
PS: my body is itching from the sunburnt ;(