The next 24 hours….

IIn just ~1 hour, i’ll officially enter the ‘late-twenties’. My family have gotten my favorite fruit cake and my boyfee planned a mysterious celebration for me.. but why am i still feeling so weird inside?

I don’t think ive accomplished anything so far. & yea, the emo me is feeling shitty about myself. I dated someone for really long but yet it wasnt meant to be from the start and being friends was totally out of the question. I thought I would at least mean something in the end but i was as good as we didn’t happen (so 7 years of my youth was wasted). I found a supportive bf who loves me a lot almost immediately afterwards but yet our future seems so blurry. I have the best job one animal lover could ever have but yet feels it can be too much to be handled at times. I have an amazing family that provided me with a good background and a wonderful home but yet, I feel that I am the “unwanted” one. I am generally an alright person but yet have so much issues going on, struggling with myself.

No one ever warned you that growing up isn’t fun at all. No one ever prepared you for a betrayal (kinda) by someone who you once loved so much, simply because you pushed him away too much. No one ever told you that someone whom you spent more than half a decade together will be the only person that ended up hurting you the most. No one is going to teach you anything about setting things right and you’ll always got to figure your way out. I’m not sure how great or how shitty the rest of my years will look like.. I guess the next milestone is hitting the big 3 and obviously, at this point of time, I am not looking forward to that.

Come to think about it, I guessed I’ve unknowingly stopped being excited about birthdays since I crossed 25. I suppose every lady hates to grow older because as you get older, your value drops (or at least I was told this way & honestly, because the person who told me that meant so much to me in the past.. his words just remained in my mind, repeating and still continues to hurt me as and when). I have issues, constantly battling with my self-esteem (& you can read about how emo i can get each time from past entries). Strangers always think I am way younger than my real age and I used to hate it a lot. But now, I’m kinda embracing that compliment.

apparently, everyone is chasing after youth.

xoxo

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