Jealousy

I wasn’t told that he needed to work the whole of Saturday. I went ahead to my cousin’s bday dinner at Geylang so we couldnt meet till 9pm. Jo doesn’t like my clothing choices sometimes so he walked all over there to pick me up. We only spent 3 hours together before calling the night off. Initially I was invited to go wavehouse but since he didn’t want me to go, I just cancelled that plan off. Anyway, i fell asleep at his place and the way we end the night off felt a little distant. So I went home with a bad feeling.

Jo and I have never spoken on the phone after 12 midnight and he usually fall asleep super fast. So at 1am, he texted me that he was on the phone with Alice. -.- I wasn’t unhappy because he was talking to his attractive close friend in the middle of the night. I was plain jealous. He doesn’t know how to deal with jealousy and tend to be even more defensive. It just spurred another argument and made my feeling even worst.

When that specific dream happens, somehow it’s as though it’s on replay. It just keeps playing till i break apart once again. What I couldnt understand was that it was as though my jealousy somehow decided to shift attention to that him instead. Last night was about him hinting that he wants to get back together but this time, i’m the one begging for his return. I could see his happy face with her, how much he’s fighting to be with her and how pathetic i looked. He is aware of how much I’m spending in my new relationship and he just shook his head.

Jo is not bad, even my family can see that he dotes me a lot. It’s just the annoying me struggling to move on. My first love was like that, and of cos this isn’t an exception. I hate how sentimental i am.

Time like this, I get confused over what I truly wants in life. It isn’t about getting back together with an ex, but more of what is my true feelings. Day by day, it just feels as though I’m just letting time go by me just like that. i’m not getting any younger.. i’m losing energy to keep going.

Cuties that cheered me up a little in the morning 

end-

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